Board Thread:Creation Box/@comment-25091352-20150903001518/@comment-4199666-20150903022840

Alright, so his personality doesn't actually really describe his personality. It talks about his parents divorce and stuff that's happening but I have no idea what his temperament is like. Maybe just describe how he behaves rather than the stuff that's going on that should go in his history anyway.

Also, you might really wanna re-read his history. You've got a sentence that reads "And now eight year old nine year old Lyle, six year old Leonardo and four year old Landon were very dirt poor living paycheck by paycheck." which really caught my eye. You also switch between present and past tense a lot. The word predicated should be predicted. "Their relationship was okay button it wasn't too serious." is another example where it's just simple things that are looked over.

So that's my advice. Try to describe his personality rather than the events happening to him and really, seriously proofread. If you're not 100% sure, try copying it into Microsoft Word and spelling and grammar check it.