Board Thread:Roleplaying/@comment-3503487-20160526180347

OOC: I'm really behind on writing things so I'm going to use this journal as a way of keeping up and backdating parts of Amelia's life as well as exploring her thoughts. Also Amelia's a writer so why not.


 * February 13, 2016

I’m deciding to start a journal because I need an outlet for my personal thoughts and feelings. I’m not going to say Dear Diary or whatever because this is for me myself and I, and I don’t need to pretend the diary can hear my thoughts. That’s stupid.

Although, if someone ever ends up finding this diary, please tell me so that I can jump off a cliff. But if nothing else, please learn from my experiences and relish in my infinite wisdom, I say sarcastically.

...

How naive I was to think that open communication could always exist and that things would never go wrong if we just communicate openly. I guess I underestimated the power of attraction. I dunno, usually it’s the other way around isn’t it? Don’t people usually overestimate love and let that carry their marriage to disastrous results? Well fuck that. Oh pardon my language, but I don’t care cuz this is my journal and not the fucking Barfield Daily.

I guess I overestimated the power of communication and respect. Love still needs to be part of the marriage, otherwise you’re just in a friendship union, which honestly isn’t a bad thing. Why doesn’t that exist? I mean you have people who marry other people to gain citizenship and shit, so why can’t you marry a friend. Okay, well I’m just talking crazy right now, I dunno, my mind is all over the place.

I want love too. I thought I found it, but I guess I didn’t. Well maybe I still love him. But the mutual love is gone, so whether or not I love him is meaningless. It’s been a couple months since our divorce, yet it still feels surreal to me. I did the right thing. He doesn’t love me that way anymore, and that’s cool because we can still be friends. I mean, every girl should have a gay best friend right. I kid, I’m rolling my eyes right now. Fuck those stereotypes.

I’m not sure why I’m feeling so ridiculous right now. Maybe it’s cuz my birthday was yesterday and Valentine’s day is tomorrow. The first times I had to spend these without him. I mean, he did wish me a happy birthday like friends do, but how is that even remotely the same. I still can't believe it. Why did he have to leave?

I miss him. But I did the right thing. Don’t forget that. 