Board Thread:Creation Box/@comment-25091352-20150927201456/@comment-4199666-20150928044013

Alrighty. I'm just gonna start by saying the personality section really confused me. I don't really know what was supposed to be happening. It's very confusing to read and it doesn't flow too well. There's words in there that don't need to be in there. I feel like, you should try to make your paragraphs where each thing has a common theme e.g. he is very sad - elaborate on this and that's a paragraph, p2 - he uses drugs as an escape + elaborate, p3 he doesn't tell people his problems and fakes being happy.

The history is alright, but yeah. If you could just rephrase the personality section because it's very confusing to read.