Board Thread:Creation Box/@comment-25784487-20141130044558/@comment-3058106-20141130050814

First of all, thanks for submitting a character. There are a few things you need to edit in order for this to be approved though. First of all, you need to add a bit more to the personality. I noticed that in the history section, you mentioned that Irish is possessive, confident, and likeable, which could all easily be added to the personality. Just write a bit more about those in that section.

Also, the history needs to be fixed up a lot. First of all, you mentioned how her sister Hope is three months younger than her. That is impossible unless Hope was adopted. You cannot have a kid and then have another one three months later. Pregnancies last nine months and usually it's suggested to wait a few months after you have the kid before you even think about having another one. So really, she should be at least a year younger. So you should probably change that. However, if Hope was adopted, then yes, that makes sense. You can keep that, but mention Hope was adopted.

Next, you need to keep this in one of two point of views. The first paragraph for the history was written in third person, but then you completely switched to first. You need to pick one and keep with it. Don't just randomly change because that'll get quickly confusing.

Now you need to also just write more about Iris's history. I know literally nothing about her except like two details. You should write more about her childhood and what that was like. Mention whether she has lived in Miduna Beach all of her life or not. If she hasn't, write about where she used to live and why her family moved. Write about why she was possessive over her toys as a kid. Did that cause her to be hated on the playground? Did she get into fights a lot? How did she become confident as she grew older? Did her confidence come from her knowing exactly what she wanted as a kid? How did she become popular in school? Why wasn't she part of the mean girls? Was there ever times when they tried to get her to join their clique? Did she ever almost cave in with them? Have there ever been times when her popularity has gotten to her head? Does she still look down upon the unpopular kids, but just not as much as the mean girls/other popular kids? Talk about her best friends a bit. Are they her best and closest friends because she knows they won't stab her in the  back? Could her other friends actually be the mean girls? What subjects in school is she good at? Does she actually like them? Does she ever get stressed about not being good at certain subjects? Talk about her family life a little bit. What are her parents like? Her sister? What is her relationship with them? Are they close? Are they a family who argues a lot? Explain that a bit.