Board Thread:Creation Box/@comment-25693292-20150109215521/@comment-3058106-20150109222239

Could you please add more to her personality? I honestly don't feel like you've included enough. Try to write more about what these traits do to her and such.

Okay, also, the history isn't really much of a history. You really need to write more about her past. Write about her childhood, what it was like growing up, why does her nan live with them, etc. What else has Chloe done in the past years that have further proven her dislike for Layla? What made Layla dislike school? Does she prefer to shop? Play video games? What exactly does she like to do? I know what she dislikes, but what does she like? Also, I'd really suggest to get rid of the part about her not having a job as an adult. Unless she marries some rich man when she's eighteen, at some point in her life, she is going to have a job whether she likes it or not. Maybe just add that she doesn't really have good work ethic and is really, really lazy. She wants to one day marry a rich (wo)man to pay for all of her things. Also, if you're going with that, maybe you could add how she's very spoiled and always given nice things. Add more about that too. You mentioned that she acts like one, but is she really one?

Finally, I just feel like her personality and history don't really match up with what you've written. In her history, it mentions her being spoiled and lazy, but neither of those are really mentioned in her personality.

Just add more to her personality and history.