Board Thread:Creation Box/@comment-25784487-20150108063816/@comment-4199666-20150108074936

Hey, so first up, Nikki was right about the FC age difference being a bit too much. Ellie Goulding is 28 years old, making her almost double the age of your character. This is a good resource for finding age appropriate FCs. You can click on the side to only show teens.

Secondly, I noticed a bunch of spelling and grammatical errors throughout, so maybe consider typing this up in Microsoft Word and copying and pasting it over. If you don't have Microsoft Word, I'm sure I could find a spell-checker online for you.

The only negative personality trait you seem to have listed is that she is bossy and controlling, which practically mean the same thing. Try to think of how your character acts everyday. When she's alone does she think a lot or does she prefer to be in the company of people? It sounds like she's very outgoing but does she share a lot of her personal life or does she keep that hidden? Can she be trusted to keep a secret? Does she get annoyed when people won't do what she wants? Also, how does her addiction to her iPod make her act in social situations? Is she likely to hide away in the corner listening to her iPod and playing games or does she put it away and only need it by her side to feel comfortable?

The history doesn't really say a lot which helps gain a better understanding of the character. Babies are named almost a whole year before they can start babbling words and 'r' and 's' sounds are some of the last to develop seeing as they're difficult for babies to grasp, so the chances that she would have named herself Iris is very unlikely. (Sory, that's my linguistic student talking.)

Also, one year olds cannot sing (they can barely speak), nor can they play instruments. Some of this stuff doesn't make sense from a technical standpoint. The structure is non-linear as well. Consider telling the events of her history in the order that they happened. You don't have to give specific ages either. You can say that from a young age she's loved music, and she started getting lessons when she was nine.

I have to go, but I hope you will consider this and work on that.